


Straight From The Heart

by KittyClearsight



Category: Original Work
Genre: Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-23 22:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 1,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21327859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyClearsight/pseuds/KittyClearsight
Summary: Just a collection of poems I've written over the years. Some are vent pieces, others are my hopes for the future. Basically what comes from my heart. I will add more poems on here as I write them.





	1. Straight From The Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This one was one of my first poems, written when I was in 11th grade Creative Writing and inspiring me to start writing at all.

Straight from the Heart,  
These feelings I impart,  
And grant to you  
A rare inside view.  
We won't be torn a part,  
As lovers never truly part.  
They never feel blue  
As they bid thee adieu  
For they're never a part,  
As they are in the heart.  
Our love has grew,  
As we very well knew.


	2. Box

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one but it ended up sticking with me when I wrote it for Creative Writing in grade 11.

In this box  
A red mass is hiding.  
Within the box,  
Among ripped flesh,  
Lays my beating heart.


	3. Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A vent piece after someone started playing with my feelings, then went after my best friend. Good times.

When darkness comes,  
The cold soon follows.  
This frozen tundra  
That is my freezing heart  
Beats to the rhythm  
Of my dying soul.  
The cold I have embraced,  
As I begin to fall.  
I can only be saved  
By the truth,  
So let me ask you this,  
Is it the truth?


	4. Why is it Like This?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of a trigger warning here for cutting and suicide. I was in a dark place when I wrote this one.

I'm staring at these walls,  
Wondering, as my face falls...  
Why is it like this?

I dream a day at last,  
My death will finally come to pass.  
And again I wonder...  
Why is it like this?

My tears are cascading,  
And I hold the razor.  
The blade dances across my skin.  
I still, still have to wonder...  
Why is it like this?

I lay in the bath,  
As my blood runs down my arms.  
I mixes with the water,  
And soon it all fades to black.  
And I still have yet to know...  
Why is it like this?


	5. Killer's Lament

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to write a poem through the eyes of a serial killer. I was inspired after watching crime documentaries at the time.

I'm fading,  
I'm falling,  
Lost in the abyss of my mind.  
I'm finding it impossible  
To keep it together  
As the illusions projected  
From my mind becomes reality.  
The grief and sorrow I've caused  
Not just for others, but myself,  
Will leave a permanent mark.  
They will recount my work  
For years to come,  
All the deaths I have caused.  
Justice has been served,  
Now I can lay to rest  
And return to the Hell I came from.


	6. The Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You need rain to have a rainbow though :)

The sun,  
Is always full of hope.  
The sun,  
It's a constant reminder of happiness.  
The sun,  
It's for all the happy people of the Earth.  
But not me.  
When the sun gives people hope,  
It makes me smile, but not with happiness.  
It makes me bitter, jealous.  
Because people like me?  
We deserve the rain.


	7. Bright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An old friend's younger sister attempted suicide, I ended up writing this for her when she got out of the hospital.

When you're broken,  
Try to keep your chin up.  
It's not worth it at all.  
Keep on going, the future is Bright.  
Just make sure you're there  
To see it all unfold.  
Even if you have to vent,  
Whether it's writing, or drawing,  
Or reading, or even a sport,  
Just keep going on.  
You want to see you're future,  
Just don't end it before there  
Could be a chance for it  
To be better once more.


	8. Phoenix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I felt a ray of hope in this dark world (Cheesy I know)

I know things will get better,  
But sometimes I want it to hurry.  
I want to feel the sun's golden rays.  
Instead I'm cursed to feel  
Nothing other than darkness,  
But maybe one day  
I can spin it all around.  
Until then I shall embrace  
The cold feeling of loneliness,  
Finding comfort in the dark,  
And rising others out of their hole.  
I will one day rise from my own  
Feeling of betrayal and abandonment,  
A smile on my face,  
Rising from my hole,  
Much like a phoenix rises from  
It's own ashes.  
Until then I'll enjoy the time I have,  
In loneliness, and maybe then I'll  
Learn to appreciate friendship,  
Warmth,  
Love.


	9. Reflection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A vent piece, trigger warning for self harm.

Staring straight ahead at this mirror I see,  
The reflection gazing back isn't me.  
This girl is laughing, grinning a wide smile,  
While I feel like my throat is filled with bile.  
The reflection shows one happy chick,  
But in my stomach I feel I might be sick.  
Her skin is clear, and eyes are filled with stars,  
But mine are dull, and arms full of scars.  
She appears to know no pain or fear,  
Yet my eye is dripping a slow, lonely tear.  
Her tone is light, full of bliss and joy,  
While mine is breaking and I can't enjoy.  
I then realize that it's all an act,  
So no one knows my heart is cracked.  
I so desperately want to break the silence,  
Of the endless pain of my self violence.  
You don't know the story from the outside,  
No you don't, believe me, I tried.  
Staring straight ahead at this mirror I see,  
The reflection gazing back isn't me.


	10. Monsters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the real monsters are people who pretend to care, then stab you in the back when you aren't looking.

When we think of monsters we think of big scaly beasts,  
Shadows under out beds or glowing red eyes.  
We think of long claws, glinting teeth, savage grins.  
We think of creatures who prey on fear,  
Anomalies that hunger for flesh and  
Seek the destruction of good.  
True monsters possess less than half of these qualities.  
Real monsters don't look big and scaly.  
Real monsters have kind eyes, and  
Savage grins disguised as a gentle smile.  
They prey on your trust, your innocence.  
They attack you before you know what hit you.  
True monsters are not hideous beasts, no.  
True monsters are disguised as  
Someone you trust and love.  
Beware though, for if you can't trust your loved ones,  
Who can you truly trust?


	11. The Ocean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I wonder if it'll be easier to just give in.

I'm fighting the currents of life,  
Weighing me down heavily like an ocean.  
I struggle to stay afloat but the  
Water keeps pushing me, shoving me downward.  
I break the surface for air, but then the waves  
Crash over me and I struggle once again.  
However hard I try I cannot get free.  
My weary limbs stop flailing,  
My eyelids begin to feel heavy.  
It's in that moment I realize  
That the easiest thing to do  
Is to stop trying, and allow the ocean to claim me.


	12. The Rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my favorite poems by far.

Rose petals fall from the stem,  
The glass vase is filthy,  
But I cannot bring myself to discard  
The dead flowers that were once so beautiful.  
The once elegant red rose now droops,  
The once vibrant red now a crusty, ugly shade.  
The stem is no longer green and healthy,  
But brown and damaged.  
The thorns are sharper than ever,  
They are brittle and hard, but the smallest touch  
Will send the unforgiving barb to the hardwood table.  
Friends say it's just an eyesore, I need to get rid of it.  
I refuse to listen, because if I give in, what does that make me?  
I am just like the flower, after all.  
I was once strong and proud, but not anymore.  
I'm flimsy, weak; I cannot possibly recover from this trauma.  
I was discarded, and now others want me to discard the flower  
Just because it's no longer beautiful.  
I have been used, I am dirty like the vase.  
I am no longer beautiful, my scars making me ugly.  
I am too damaged to recover, just like the stem.  
I am sharp like the thorns, refusing to let anyone near my heart  
In fear of getting hurt again.  
Every time someone tries getting close I just push them away,  
And I spiral back down into my self loathing again.  
Yes, I am just like the rose.  
I was once standing tall,  
But I have been discarded too many times,  
Now it's time to accept  
That nobody wants a dead rose.


	13. Not Who I Used To Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back when I felt I was losing control of my life. Eventually, though, I learned that I was actually better than ever before. Change is scary, but once you make the first step, it starts to fall into place. I still have a long way to go, but each step towards a better me is a miracle in itself.

I am not who I used to be.  
I've lost touch with myself, I've changed.  
I'm no longer me.  
I'm losing control of myself  
And I feel like I'll never return.  
Everything that made me  
Is now turning against me  
And if I don't get a grip,  
I'll lose myself forever.


	14. Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of hope is a wonderful thing. Dreams are able to become reality if you try hard enough <3

Sleep is a welcome thing  
When all I want to do  
Is wallow in my self pity.  
I dream of my life,  
Carefree and warm.  
I dream of love,  
I dream of companionship.  
I dream of a family and career.  
I dream of little fuzzy creatures  
Rubbing against my legs,  
Loveable brutes licking my face,  
Someone to spend my life with.  
I dream of small ones looking up to me,  
Thinking of me as a superhero.  
I dream of having a purpose,  
A career where I leave my mark  
For people to remember me for many years to come.  
Most of all, I dream of happiness.  
I dream a day where I am happy,  
A day where I don't hate myself.  
I dream of being able to look back  
On my struggles, and be able to say,  
"I made it, I survived."  
That day has not come yet, I am still in constant pain.  
The day will someday come  
That I achieve the things I long for the most,  
But for now, it only exists  
In my most wonderful of dreams.


	15. Bit of White

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> During a depressive episode, then I felt a small spark of hope.

The fire within me  
Used to burn bright.  
I used to have inside  
An everlasting light.  
Now, however, I lost it.  
No more is my will to fight.  
I want to lay down, give up,  
Even though I try with all my might.  
My heart within is dark,  
Pitch black as night.  
There's a small bit of hope, though,  
That everything will be alright.  
I can fight against the pain,  
Fight against my wretched plight.  
Slowly my fight returns,  
Thanks to the bit of white.


	16. Kingdom of Fantasy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tend to drift into my own head when I have nothing to do. I like that world better sometimes.

I live in a world that accepts me for me.  
I was once ridiculed for my weird way of living.  
But now, I have learned, is that the only way  
To be truly accepted is to live in your own fantasy.  
I am a Princess, and let my subjects do what they will.  
I rule with grace and love, helping my subjects  
With the day to day tasks.  
I see a pair of boys feeding a beaten stray dog,  
Their mother approaches and they take the dog home.  
I see a toddler being held by her father.  
He buys her a stuffed bear, and they go their merry way.  
A young boy eats on the patio of his home,  
A full three course meal and dessert as well.  
Everything is perfect, peaceful, and lovely.  
Then, I wake up.  
I realize it was just my imagination  
Running loose as I lay on my bed.  
Nobody would care for the beaten dog,  
It would survive as long as it's hope was alive,  
Then it would die cold and alone.  
The daughter would be lost and alone,  
No father to protect her from the dark.  
The young boy would be  
Starving, homeless, and alone.  
Nobody cares in this pungent world.  
Maybe that's why I opted into my kingdom.  
My Kingdom of Fantasy.


	17. Going On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My inner thoughts struggling against each other.

I'm a freak,  
I'm a monster,  
I don't deserve to live.  
I should have died a long time ago,  
Yet I still continue going despite the constant fight.  
I wish I could stop,  
I wish I could end it,  
But each time I try I end up thinking  
About how much I mean to people.  
People care.  
People look up to me.  
People rely on me.  
I find myself unable to end it,  
For their sake.  
Maybe it doesn't matter what I am.  
I'm not a monster,  
I'm not a freak.  
Maybe I deserve to live after all.  
I have decided I won't give up,  
And I will keep going forevermore.


	18. Isolation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vent piece

When you are isolated from everyone, bitterness often sets in.  
When bitterness sets in, anger soon follows.  
When the anger fades, despair takes over.  
When despair takes over, you want to just numb the pain.  
To numb the pain, you take to alcohol and self mutilation.  
Alcohol and self mutilation soon becomes an addiction,  
And slowly starts to destroy you, and you loathe yourself  
One day your self loathing reaches rock bottom,  
And you realize there's only one way end it.  
Isolation is a terrible path to go down,  
And there's no way to come back from it.


End file.
